The Secret Bully | Special Education Tips For Parents

Описание: Today, I'm going to talk about a topic; MANY kids deal with daily…

Bullying


More specifically, the type of Bully that's masked as a friend...

The term I use for this type of person is The Secret Bully.

Welcome to this episode of Special Education Tips For Parents


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The Secret Bully

Someone who on the outside is disguised as a friend, maybe even your child's "Best Friend," or BFF

But the reality is much darker and much more toxic than the eye can see.

Mirroring an emotionally abusive marriage, if this type of a relationship is left unchecked, or unnoticed… the changes your child will experience can be life-altering. Not in a positive way.

Warning Signs Of A Secret Bully

1. Changes in your child's academics
1. Grades drop
2. Little to no homework
3. Less interest in learning
4. A sudden shift in attitude toward school
2. Changes in your child's interests
1. Wanting to drop their favorite activities/clubs with no reason given
2. Being negative around other kids who were considered friends
3. Less likely to try new things
3. Changes in your child's likes/dislikes
1. Sudden change in a favorite color
2. Wanting to spend less time with you
3. Focused on wanting to be at school, not for academics
4. Changes in attitude
1. Anxious
2. Depressed
3. Angry
4. Withdrawn

What Steps To Take To Uncover The Truth

1. Ask your child questions/be involved
1. Tell me about your day.
2. What did you do?
3. Who did you play with?
4. Who are your top five best friends?
1. Asking this one regularly is how we first uncovered our daughter's secret Bully.
2. Ask every day.
3. When the list changes, find out why. DIG DEEPER
2. Go to school functions
1. Watch how your child interacts with their peers.
2. Example; Our daughter began mirroring the attitude of one of her friends.
1. We went to a singing function for her grade, and my daughter LOVED it.
2. However, when the program was done, my daughter noticed her "friend" was mad to even be there. Instantly my daughter said she hated the function and thought it was dumb. She literally got angry.
3. Dig Deeper
1. When you uncover something, keep asking questions.
2. Do not accept surface-level answers.
1. Using this method, we realized the stronghold our daughter's secret Bully had on her. It all started because of the school function mentioned earlier.
4. Communicate
1. Be open and honest with your child.
2. In turn, expect the same from them.

Steps To Take Once A Secret Bully Is Uncovered

1. Firmly explain the situation to your child
1. Let them see you are serious
2. Go through the details and observations that led you to the conclusion
3. Teach your child what a true friend is
1. How a true friend acts.
2. That a true friend cares about your likes, not just their own.
4. Work with your child on a solution once they understand your point of view.
1. This is such a valuable learning lesson, as toxic people will continuously come in and out of their lives.
2. This is also extremely tough for young kids to grasp.
3. Tell them you are concerned, and if certain things don't change, you will take action.
1. Different class
2. Different School
3. Etc.
4. Allow time for them to work through it
5. Ask questions to ensure progress is taking place
6. Continue to observe as described above
5. If number four doesn't work, talk with the teacher
1. Teachers can ensure the duo is broken up during school hours
2. Teachers can report what they see back to you
3. Teachers rarely see the full story but are almost always willing to help
6. Try talking to the parents
1. If you feel like they will listen
2. Understand there are three sides to every story
1. Yours, Their's and the truth
7. If nothing else works, change classrooms.
1. This is NOT easy and will most likely cause your child to be upset
2. The longterm effects will be worth it

Causes For Bullying

1. Bullies are often going through a difficult change in their lives
1. Home environmental shift
2. Lack of self-confidence
1. Academics
2. Bullied at home
3. Bullied in school previously
3. Parental change
1. Divorce
2. Separation
4. Abuse
1. Going through their own emotional abuse in a different setting
2. Teach your children that there is a REASON their "Friend" is acting this way
1. Perhaps that could lead to the solution
2. Your child can help their "Friend" cope with their life change

Bullying is one of the worst things a child can go through. It's even more difficult when that Bully is thought of as a friend and works hard to isolate your child from any other peers.

My philosophy has always been that, if possible, teach your children to work through these circumstances on their own.

As a result, their confidence will increase, they'll learn to be more observant, and, will be able to work through these challenges again when they surface in the future.