Is it Too Late to Start Over?

Описание: It’s the first full working week of the year, and I’m walking through Barham Park, practicing something new: talking to the camera while I walk. I had a long to-do list for today, but most of it hasn’t happened. What has happened is this, showing up, outside, and speaking honestly about where I am.

A Hard Year and a Complicated Goodbye

2025 was tough.

My business lost direction, and I struggled with focus and charging what I’m worth. A couple of loyal clients kept things going, but at a reduced level. At the same time, my father died at the end of 2024. We weren’t speaking, and he died in difficult circumstances, which left me with a heavy mix of grief, guilt, and old family expectations as the eldest daughter.

Two days after he died, my ex called. He knew how complicated things were with my dad. He listened briefly, then spent the next hour and a half talking about himself. I realised then how much my nervous system went into panic every time he reached out and how long it took me to recover.

I told him I didn’t want any more contact. It hurt, but it was necessary. That loss, on top of my dad’s death, made Christmas 2024 incredibly hard.

The Funeral That Changed Everything

Months later, my ex got in touch again to say a mutual friend was dying. As a nurse, I knew it was serious. When our friend passed away, I decided to go to the funeral, even though it meant seeing my ex.

The funeral was strangely joyful our friend was a big, vibrant character, and the celebration reflected that. I made an effort, looked my best, and my ex and I got on well. Part of me hoped things might finally be different.

But after a couple of days, I saw the same pattern: I was there to support him; he wasn’t really there to support me. My hopes would always be raised, then quietly dropped. So at the end of August or beginning of September 2025, I chose to go fully no-contact. It was devastating and it was also a turning point.

Grieving the Life I Imagined

I wasn’t just grieving my dad or my ex. I was grieving the life I thought I’d have.

I divorced at 40, assuming I’d quickly meet someone new, maybe have another baby, and build a new version of family. Instead, I found myself in a string of relationships with “unsuitable” men I now know I’d have warned my younger self about.

Admitting that my supposed “forever person” wasn’t actually forever forced me to face some uncomfortable truths about my patterns and expectations.

Healing in Public

By August 2025, I needed somewhere to put all that energy and emotion. So I started creating content.

Despite my children’s skepticism, I relaunched relaunched my TikTok channel and eventually named it “Healing in Public”—sharing what it’s like to be in my 50s, starting again, and rebuilding after grief and difficult relationships. At first, I didn’t know what I was doing. Now I see it as an honest record of what healing really looks like: imperfect, public and in progress.

I’ve learned I’m not alone. There are many of us starting again later in life, trying to become our own best friends.

This past Christmas and New Year felt genuinely good for the first time in a while. I spent them with people who truly support me. I even spent New Year’s on my own and felt at peace.

I’m Dawn. I’m healing in public.
If any of this resonates with you, you’re welcome to follow along.