Waves of Fear // Recognizing & (Gradually) Exiting the Karmic Cycle + The Beauty of Burn Out

Описание: “Karma” is just avoided experience
And the actions taken to avoid experience constitute “karmic actions”
Which, in turn, “creates” karma (puts off the avoided experience, and adds a layer of resistance to it)
Thus continuing the “karmic cycle”

It’s not morality, it’s not punishment
It’s not personal or even intentional
It’s just what is - the physics of reality
We learn from it that no experience needs resisting
But it doesn’t “aim to teach”
Learning is just what happens
When you experience what’s happening

See?

And it’s not gone wrong - it was just a simple and natural misunderstanding
That was bound to occur
And is all part of the growth of Life
We start out avoiding/resisting/manipulating/trying to control sensation/experience/conditions
This takes enormous effort
Eventually we burn out
In exhaustion, give up resistance
Then discover directly, as sensation floods through, and we realize the peace of allowing it, of not doing anything, not running or fighting or moving -
That we never needed to avoid it

We just thought we did, because of a mistaken perception that an experience could take away our safety or satisfaction
It cannot, conditions do not have that power, nothing does
But what CAN happen is that we believe this fear, and then CLOSE UP, resist conditions, resist experiences
And in the RESISTING we cannot sense our self, our safety, our satisfaction -
it’s always there, it doesn’t go, but we cannot sense it, because we have closed off to sensation

So we feel unsafe, and cannot sense our deep safety, because we are resisting the sensation of unsafety…

Easy to see how we get tangled up in this
Until we accept the feeling of unsafety, we cannot sense our deep safety
But we are very unlikely to accept the feeling of unsafety, without the previous sensing of our deep safety (:

So what happens?

We suffer immensely, which takes immense effort
And eventually, we burn out
And in exhaustion, unable to keep resisting feeling unsafe, we finally let it in
This is the first opening, and gives us a first taste of deep safety, satisfaction, and serenity - deep and actual Self
But it’s likely to be just a taste
The mind is still very active, has lots of momentum, lots of fear whipped up
However all it takes is this, burning out, to start the process
Of deconstruction and recalibration
It’s really unstoppable
It isn’t done, it just happens

Next comes the deconstruction
Nihilistic collapse
Losing meaning
Allowing depression, despair, the writhing of the mind
Anger, rage, blame, shame, impulses to annihilate, destroy
All of this pain, which we flee again
Until we burn out, a second time
Truly burn out…only after many small burn outs, periods of relaxation, then tension again…not too unlike birth -
and like birth, learning not to fight the contractions, or periods of intense resistance, tension, and pain, happens
as it washes over you again and again

Then there is the magical space
The in between
Where you are just floating…
No impulse to move
Nothing pushing or pulling you
Actual neutrality
Inertia
There is silence
And stillness
And total loss of direction
As well as near total loss of care

This is well on the way, but also a critical point
Where the mind will kick in again
And demand you recreate meaning

I am asking you, if you are there
Not to do so.
Do NOT re-erect that scaffolding.
Mind will tell you, you must.
This is not true.
Stay in the void.
There will be fresh waves of depression and fear. But there will also be the start of your own sense of self emerging…a curious niggling to simply
Stay
Here

Like a moth to flame, the void calls
And despite all the alarms of the mind, screaming that there is only death there
You feel you must go - or rather, stay - and not follow the mind back to the surface.
This. Is. Perfect.
No amount of my reassurance will make a difference. You will face the fear of this either way.
And if you turn around, that’s okay. You’ll be back.
This is the way. We all pass through this.

If you just stay deconstructed, if you stay in the void…
Make peace with not knowing and liminality, with directionless and disorientation
If you accept and embrace “emptiness”
If you just don’t fill in the space
Life will
With far more beauty, miracle and majesty
Than you could ever dream
It will show you that you do not need meaning for joy and meaningful experience
In fact, it will demonstrate that the release of meaning liberates everything from the weight of it
And you never needed weight
To reach great depths
To feel with intensity
Without weight, you move much more freely, and much deeper into what is
You see, sense, feel vibrantly, beyond mind, beyond physical sense, beyond explanation
Like trading out your old lungs
And learning you can breath anywhere
The water that once choked you, squeezed you, has become less dense
And is not suffocating, but actually opens you wider, lets you breathe more deeply
As if
for the first time
New lungs…new wine
for the wineskin

OX413/8