Big Bird || Vent PMV

Описание: big bird - ajj

heyyy ive been gone for a bit :,,))

even tho this is a vent thing youre free to attach yourself to this piece n make your own personal meaning, i love seeing how other people interact with my art



im actually quite proud of this one! the story with the butterfly n wolf kinda appeared entirely on its own and im sure i could decode and attach it to myself but eehh. i got the emotion across which is the important part. i kinda have to distance myself from the emotions when im making art like this cos paying attention to them without the barrier/funnel of Creation i get super overwhelmed and am not actually able to make things that arent scribbles hard enough to break my ipad :,). i definitely still get some of the feeling out but its a different kind of catharsis, like telling someone, not like wearing my body out enough to let me sob. so have my ugly horrible brain in something less horrible and ugly!!

my schools got multiple DIFFERENT sets of shooting/bomb threats a few weeks ago and we ended up goin on hard lockdown for a day, so thats some New Trauma to add to the list and kinda pushed all my other terror to the surface. ive been distracting myself pretty well (spent 7 hours on a school art thing!!!) but its still There and i dont really know what to do with it. i keep having to remind myself that it makes sense for me to be like this considering all the things ive been through, it makes sense for me to be somewhat nonfunctional after something so stressful and triggering, it makes sense for me to be scared. but everyone else is moving and i have to go back to school on monday and if i stop worrying about my missing assignments im doing to start worrying about guns and nooses and overdoses again. everyone else is moving so they expect me to as well.

i cannot move. i can draw.