How to Make a Relationship LAST | Interviewing My wife of 21 years

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This video is special because I invited my wife to discuss relationships. We've been together for 21 years, and I want to reveal some of the steps we've taken to stay together in a world of everybody calling it quits super quick. I look around at many of my friends and realize that staying together for a long time is not as prevalent as it used to be. Marriage is hard, and life happens. Also, I think social media makes it harder. Some people decide they can't do it anymore and that they'd be better off alone or with someone else. It's easy to bail, but staying together takes work and commitment. However, don't be delusional, thinking that relationships will always be all roses and sunshine. Relationships have challenges, and you'll have issues. 


We met at a Mexican restaurant, and it was easy. We were friends, and all the boxes were checked. We were immediately inseparable. She was very independent and successful, and at the time, I was a struggling fitness center owner. We dated for four years, and then I asked her to marry me. I didn't have JamesAllen.com come back then, so I had to go to a store. Now, we only use JamesAllen because we don't like overpaying.

After we tied the knot, we had some ups and downs, just like every relationship. Here's how we've worked through some of them:

We've worked through them because we're committed, but neither has done any 'unforgivables.'


We also haven't had children, which can stress a marriage. Raising children is expensive, and financial struggles can develop as a result. We've seen children complete a marriage, but we've also seen marriages split from children.


Financial situations can result in conflicts in a marriage. We have separate finances, each with our own bank accounts. This has been beneficial, but we are in line financially and physically. We are like-minded, and neither of us is a big spender. We live below our means and are on the same page.


While couples often butt heads regarding money and children, overcoming philosophical differences is also extremely challenging. Realize that you can't change someone, but someone can/will change. I'm a different person than I was when I first got married. We both have had evolutions, but we are aligned with marriage. Sometimes, people grow in different directions, and your partner may not be aligned with it. This could be a deal breaker.


Another challenge is that sometimes, the little things become bigger deals or issues as time goes on. You can accept someone's personality quirks or issues, but sometimes, they can drive you crazy after a long time. I drive her crazy because of my intensity and how I micromanage. I'm constantly trying to be better, and I'm constantly putting in effort every single day. It's a process


Communication as a couple is key. You must listen and let each other know what they need to work on. Sometimes, it's really hard in the heat of frustration or resentment. If you're arguing, it's hard to get to that point of communicating and listening. But sometimes, you must learn to walk away because people communicate and argue differently. I am an overcommunicator, but my wife sometimes needs me to walk away and let the situation simmer down at times.


Understand what your partner needs and why your partner needs that. Give them what they need because you know where they're coming from.


Make sure that you're helping around the house and not being a filthy slob. You need to show respect for the other person. Don't go out and do stupid things, which could cause many issues in the relationship. Relationships should be mutually beneficial, as well as your support system. My wife is my rock and part of my support system. We've surrounded ourselves with better people who are also part of that support system.