I Was Jealous Of My Twin Sister

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Growing up, Gray loved being a twin. Her twin sister Hope was her best friend. They were always together, always, and had each other's backs - they truly had each other. Their parents didn't even worry the way other parents did because the twins kept each other out of trouble, kept each other playing by the rules. They didn't fight, didn't get jealous or competitive.

They were twins AND best friends. They had everything in common, dressed the same way, liked the same things, had the same room, same school, same classes and even shared the same friends. Everything they did, they did as twins, together.

And everyone around them was always so interested to know what it was like to be a twin, even said they wished they had a twin and looked at Gray and Hope as if they were the luckiest sisters alive. And for a while, Gray thought that too.

But as they got older Gray started to realize that being a twin wasn't going to continue the way it had when they were younger, that it might not be as fun as she had thought it would be because as they got older, they got different, they went on different paths - started to have their own personalities and started liking and choosing different things for their lives.

Hope became one of the "popular" girls. She started wearing the latest and coolest teen fashion trends, had tons of friends, even joined the theater club. Hope got super involved with the school and helping with all the causes and she started going out every night, partying with her friends and dancing.

But Gray didn't become one of the "popular" girls, at least not right away, and instead, she just felt alone. And after awhile, she didn't just feel alone, but she started to feel like she was living in her sister's shadow, maybe started feeling a little bit jealous too. She was just a student in her school that everyone compared to her sister. Jealousy is a powerful thing.

Gray felt this pressure, that twins were expected to like and do and be the same things. If Hope got a car, Gray felt like she had to get a car, but hers didn't seem quite as nice as her sister's. If she came home with straight A's on her report card everyone seemed to expect that Gray would get the same grades.

She started to feel really bad about herself, felt like her parents were always bragging about her sister and never having anything to say about her. She felt so awful, and so much pressure to be like her twin sister, that she fell into a real depression, felt isolated and anxious. And then, she grew jealous, really jealous of her twin sister. She envied her. And that envy hurt her self-esteem. Now the person who she had felt was always just by her side, now she felt like Hope was above her.

So, Gray started trying to be more like her sister, trying to wear fashionable clothes and hang out with all the other popular kids - but it didn't work - it just wasn't who Gray was.There were so much resentment and depression. And so finally, after so many years, Gray looked in the mirror and realized she was her own person, and she was fine with that. Fine with the differences between her and her twin - happy to be herself.

And now, even though they are in very different places in their lives, and Gray is still working on herself and her self-esteem and recovering from her fight against depression, and Hope is off at college, Gray knows they both still love each other. She had the realization that she is who she is and loves herself. She knows that no matter what, she will always have someone to talk to, because no matter what, she will always be her twin sister.

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