"Tell Me When" Song by Aubrey

Описание: "Tell Me When" is an original song I wrote recently about the infinite heartache of a lost love, the end of a long marriage. Knowing how my own loved ones have grieved a lifetime, I ask the question WHEN? When will I not love him anymore? When will it no longer hurt to think about him? Or see him? Or hear that he's with someone new? When? My love is permanent. I need room in my life for something different now. Something to fill in the loneliness and yet the time isn't now....so when? When will I be okay?

I find catharsis is writing poetry and lyrics that express what I'm feeling. Even in the sad songs. When I am having a bad day and feel like if I say anything to anyone, I will just fall apart, then I listen to what I've already had to say about it and it gives me clarity. And puts words to what I am feeling- sometimes I can't say it. And going back to what I've written lets me have closure. But, the wound is still open and I don't know how the grief subsides.

My mom wasn't allowed to my dad's funeral. And she loved him more than she probably ever loved anyone. But, she wasn't his wife anymore. I think about forty years from now. Will I be a stranger, not allowed to grieve when I lose him again? We were more than family for decades. And now we are almost enemies. Yet, still allies because we have children together. No one has ever hurt me more than this man. It's only because I loved him that this pain is possible. Letting go is so hard. I can't accept him being with another woman. I don't know that I will ever be okay with that. This is against God's will. No, it's against my will. Years ago, I felt God put it upon my heart that it's okay to let him go. But I couldn't. It seems, I still can't. So, this song is "Tell Me When."

To the ladies out there, or the men, who lost the person who they believed was their true love, how are you now? How long did it take for you to feel solid again? To feel grounded? Or, do you yet?

May God provide us with the healing we need to live the best life we can from here onward. May the Lord allow us- or force us if need be - to forgive those who have sinned against us. So, we might too be forgiven for our sins. And we can't move on, if we can't forgive. And I don't want to! But, I need to. So, I pray God will force me - just let his will be mine. That is, make me want to forgive. Let forgiveness just happen. Because this anger and heartache is a burden and I want a "WHEN" where I will be okay again.

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