Jupiter Ascending -- Movie Review

Описание: • Jupiter Ascending (2015) -- Fun action and ideas buried in an incomprehensible mess, 3/10.

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~~ Review Script ~~
Written, produced, and directed by Lana and Andy Wachowski - this lumbering space opera just barely broke even when it was released in early February of 2015. The ambitious $176 million dollar production centers around Mila Kunis, a lowly human who discovers she is the reincarnated heiress of intergalactic nobility, and must fight to protect Earth from her newly adopted royal family's planetary conquest intentions. As a short synopsis, that's confusing enough, but when the original 600-page script is cut down to a hurried 127-minute narrative, the result is so much worse.

Sporting an ugly blonde goatee, the muscular Channing Tatum is featured as a genetically engineered space marine who swoops in to save our heroine in practically every scene. When he engages bad guys in an early shoot-out, it's impossible to feel any tension as we're given zero information about their weapons, physiology, or ethical code. Can these creatures die? Do they even feel pain? Why are they shooting at each other in the first place? Even when some fifty-percent of the dialogue is people explaining things to Mila, I still found myself asking questions like this throughout the film, that sadly, were never answered. When one character promises that they're "not the enemy" it fails to carry any impact as we honestly don't know if it's the truth or not.

Kunis's charm and enthusiasm help save some of the most ridiculous scenes however. But she remains unbelievably unphazed by even the most insane stunts and events that unfold right around here. When the only normal character in a topsy-turvy universe that's littered with nonsensical proper nouns like "Aeigs", "Skyjackers", and "Lycantants" is hard to connect with, the entire premise falters. The lack of any real emotional depth or strong characters doesn't help either. Speaking of which, the stoic Sean Bean is wasted in a mentor-like role, where he's regulated to spouting wordy exposition about the magical properties of bumble bees.

Following his 'Best Actor' win in "The Theory Of Everything", Eddie Redmayne turns in a truly bizarre performance as this PG-13 rated movie's villain: an uncompromising warlord emperor who speaks all of his lines with an anguished whisper. It's an annoying and pointless character trait that ruins an otherwise decent performance, like when he explains his nefarious plans by saying, "Some lives will always matter more than others."

The Wachowski's were once the talented siblings that brought us "The Matrix" trilogy, "Speed Racer", and "Cloud Atlas" - all thought-provoking, and visually interesting movies. In the years since however they've unfortunately lost their way. With their latest misguided effort, they just decided they could, and never stopped to think if they should. Sure, there are glimpses of really incredibly concepts in this picture; watching Magic Mike slide around Naboo on his moon-boots looks super cool, but when everything is such a hodgepodge of half-baked thoughts, it's impossible to be invested in any of it.

Indeed, the movie is even difficult to follow from a visual standpoint; far too many frames are full of explosions, ships, lasers, and whatever else the folks at Framestore crammed in there. The alien worlds are colorful and vibrant, but never adequately explored, feeling more like a generic chroma-key backdrop than a true physical environment. Carefully layered beneath the multitude of cool sound effects is a great score from Michael Giacchino might be the best thing going for this movie. Mixing rhythmic drums and a chanting choir, it almost comes close to the scope of his fantastic work on "Star Trek". Fans of futuristic sci-fi or big-budget train wrecks might find redeeming qualities here, but everyone else should stay away. An unfortunate disappointment, "Jupiter Ascending" has fun action and ideas buried in an incomprehensible mess. I thought it was a LAME movie.
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