Concentric Circles of Connection

Описание: When’s the last time you did a CONNECTION CHECK-UP, where you check whether there’s a MATCH between how much TRUST you’ve extended to another person and their TRUSTWORTHINESS? Or whether there’s enough room for the BOTH of you with your needs and feelings?

Some people who are in your inner circle may not be good to keep close long-term because the relationship may not sustainably support the both of you:

Conversations are often one-sided
They reach out when it’s convenient and disappear when it’s not
Pain outweighs the joy
They dump their stuff on you and expect you to deal with it
Feelings of resentment, guilt, shame, and anxiety are building up in you
You find yourself dreading seeing them again or when they call or text you
You anticipate that they’re going to get mad at you or feel hurt if you say how you REALLY feel

Major life events (e.g., graduating, becoming a parent, moving) or crises (e.g., losing a job, losing a loved one, global pandemic) often shake things up within and outside of us, stirring up things in relationships for better and for worse. For example, a lot people went into the pandemic with “their chosen people”, only to emerge from it not even talking to them anymore, while also striking new, deeper connections with others that they would have never imagined doing

It’s good to do connection audits periodically, but especially when major transitions happen or you undergo major internal change, so that the connections you have this next period is supporting you in your ongoing personal and relational growth.

You may have had moments when you’ve OUTGROWN the people around you. To keep those connections as is while you’re ever-growing may lead the connection to become more and more painful, with greater resentment build up. It may be time for a check-in.

If you find that these connections aren’t as strong as they used to be, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they were TERRIBLE relationships; it might just mean that you’re needing newer connections to better match where you’re currently at. You can thank old connections for having helped you come THUS FAR, but they may not have the same level of access to you GOING FORWARD.

Some connections are seasonal. Some are topical. Some are life-long. Check to see which connections are which so that you can calibrate your expectations accordingly and entrust your precious needs to those who are trustworthy and available.

No one is entitled to being in a certain level of closeness to you. YOU get to decide that.

Within a relationship, if both people are changing at different rates and there isn’t enough room for the both of them to co-exist (or grow TOGETHER), then the relationship becomes more and more strained and less and less sustainable.

Update your relationships so that there’s enough room for BOTH of you to breathe, rest, laugh, cry, live, and love.

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