MAYDAY IN MY CHEST | RELATIONSHIP CPTSD + FIRST RESPONDER TRAUMA | LYRICS |

Описание: This song is about a kind of damage that doesn’t leave bruises — but rewires your nervous system.
The anxious / avoidant push-pull dynamic isn’t just “toxic chemistry.” It’s a form of emotional abuse that conditions the brain through intermittent reinforcement, the same neurological mechanism behind the most addictive substances on earth.

The closeness.
The withdrawal.
The hope it’ll be different this time.

Dopamine when they return. Cortisol when they disappear. Over and over, until your logic center knows the truth but your survival brain is hooked. Different faces. Different situations. Same poison underneath. This cycle can cause CPTSD that lingers longer and cuts deeper than many physical wounds — because the damage lives in how you attach, trust, and regulate emotion.

Layer that on top of first responder trauma — living in constant hyper-vigilance, running toward chaos, seeing too much, carrying too much — and eventually the metaphor becomes real:

You’re inside a burning house, convincing yourself you can still save it.

This song is the moment you finally call a Mayday on yourself.
When you recognize that devotion without safety is not love.
When you stop waiting for someone else to rescue you.
When you back out before the structure collapses — before the RIT team ever needs to be activated.

This is about self-rescue.
About choosing to live.
About walking away from the fire, even when part of you still worships the heat.

If this resonates, you’re not weak.
You were conditioned.
And conditioning can be undone.

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