Magpie attacks how to avoid being swooped in spring

Описание: IT’S A beautiful spring day. The sun is high. The sky is clear, and you’re out in the open fields chucking a Julie Andrews to celebrate the end of winter.
Then, out of nowhere, there’s this high-pitched screech from high above, and suddenly a rabid beast from hell is trying to devour your right ear.
Magpies. Bloody magpies. Their eggs are hatching, they’re realising how horrible parenthood truly is, and now they need to vent their anger over their life choices.
I spent what felt like my whole childhood bolting away from these Aussie icons/vicious feathered beasts. Just a poor, helpless little brown kid weighed down by a heavy schoolbag, running for his life while screaming in terror every damn afternoon. Too young for a car. Not too young to be pecked to a violent death. If you grew up in any tree-dense Aussie suburb, your childhood was probably just as traumatic.
One afternoon, I tried reasoning with the bloodthirsty devil-parrot, screaming “I DON’T WANT YOUR DAMN BABIES!” into the sky with an air of confidence. He considered my claim for about 0.2 seconds, then attempted to dislodge my left eye from its socket.
Year after year, this happened to me, but not necessarily to nearby pedestrians (who would always laugh sadistically). The same spot in the park. The same street corner. I couldn’t work it out. Was it because they’ve seen me eating scrambled eggs? Did they mistake those eggs for their own? Should I become a vegan? I suddenly developed the sneaky suspicion that Sydney’s magpies were all part of a wider conspiracy to take me down.   • Magpie attacks  how to avoid being swooped...  


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