Eminem - Father Figure Gone [Lyrics]

Описание: I grew up staring at a shadow in the doorway
Waiting on a man who never showed up for the foreplay
Of fatherhood, just silence in the hallway
Mom said “He’s busy,” I knew that was cliché

Empty chair at dinner like a ghost at the table
I learned how to lie and say I’m perfectly stable
Report cards signed with a forged little label
Strong on the surface but inside I’m unstable

Other kids got coached how to throw a tight spiral
I got coached by anger, learned survival
Every male role model turned tribal
Either left, or taught me violence was vital

I watched my mother play both parts in the script
Bills on the counter, her fingers always chipped
She’d say “You’re the man now,” I barely gripped
How you hand a crown to a kid half-equipped?

I built my spine outta pride and spite
Taught myself to shave, taught myself to fight
Taught myself that crying ain’t right
So I swallow every tear every night

Playground fights turned into grown man rage
Every insult echoing off the cage
He left before I turned a page
So I’ve been fathering myself since a young age

I talk tough, posture like I’m granite stone
But every mirror shows a kid alone
Deep voice, but the fear has grown
I never had a dad, I just had a phone

I used to dial numbers I never knew
Imagining what I would say if you came through
Would I hate you? Would I blame you?
Or beg you to tell me what men are supposed to do?

Strength became armor welded tight
But armor rusts in the dark of night
I flex my scars in the morning light
But bleed in silence outta sight

They say “Be a man,” but define the phrase
Is it fists? Is it silence? Is it setting ablaze?
Cause if that’s the code, I was raised
In a house full of emotional haze

You left a vacuum shaped like your name
So I filled it with ego and flame
Built a throne outta anger and fame
But the hollow inside stayed the same

I learned to laugh when the pain got loud
Smile wide just to make you proud
Even though you ain’t around
I still perform for an empty crowd

Sometimes I wonder if I look like you
Same jawline, same anger too
If my worst traits all came from you
Or if I’m just scared I became you

I swore I’d never walk away
From my future blood one day
But fear creeps in when skies turn gray
What if absence is in my DNA?

I overcompensate, dominate
Raise my voice, intimidate
Cause vulnerability feels like bait
And I refuse to break that gate

My therapist asked about father wounds
I joked it off, changed the tunes
But inside I heard the booms
Of abandoned childhood rooms

I built a man from scraps and rage
From TV dads on every page
But none of them could disengage
The empty space I cage

I envy kids who complain about rules
At least they had guidance in their tools
I learned discipline from fools
And consequence from cruel

You don’t miss what you never had
That’s the lie I tell when I’m mad
Truth is it hits me bad
Every Father’s Day ad

Tie aisle in a grocery store
I freeze mid-step on the floor
Wondering what it’s for
When you never knocked my door

I became hyper-independent
Emotionally cemented
Every need reinvented
Every weakness prevented

But independence is isolation dressed neat
A suit and tie hiding defeat
Confidence glued to my feet
While abandonment repeats

I dated women like I feared goodbye
Pushed them first so I wouldn’t cry
If love felt deep, I’d deny
Cause men don’t need, right? That’s the lie

My temper flares when I feel small
Like a kid back against the wall
Swinging first before I fall
Cause no one caught me at all

I read books on how to parent right
Promise my son I’ll stay each night
But shadows whisper outta sight
“What if you vanish in a fight?”

Your silence wrote my origin
Every flaw I’m exploring in
Every storm I’m storing in
Comes from the space you’re absent in

People say forgiveness heals
But anger’s the only thing that feels
Real enough to seal
The cracks I conceal

If you showed up now at my gate
Gray hair, guilt, years too late
Would I hug you? Or retaliate?
Or stand there frozen by fate?

I practice speeches in my head
All the things I’d have said
About the nights I bled
Emotionally misled

But maybe you were broken too
Maybe no one fathered you
Maybe pain just passes through
Generations like residue

Still doesn’t erase the cost
Of every milestone lost
Every compass tossed
Every coin I paid embossed

I built muscles to hide fragility
Built success for visibility
Built pride for stability
Still battling invisibility

I act like I don’t care
Like I’m air
Like I’m rare
But really I’m just scared

Scared I’ll fail where you did
Scared I’ll ghost my own kid
Scared my temper will skid
Like yours maybe once slid

So I fight my reflection nightly
Grip accountability tightly.


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