Why Being Too Nice Makes Avoidants Back Off (4 Reasons)

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You might think giving 110%, always being kind, and never rocking the boat is the best way to love an avoidant partner. But the surprising truth is: being “too nice” can actually push them away. In this video, Thais Gibson reveals the four hidden reasons why Dismissive Avoidants back off when niceness turns into people-pleasing, covert contracts, or a loss of authenticity.

You’ll learn why genuine connection requires boundaries, how over-functioning creates disconnection, and why individuating (being your true self) is far more attractive than blind obedience. This is a must-listen if you’ve ever wondered why your avoidant partner pulled back despite all your efforts to give.

You’ll learn:

✅ What “covert contracts” are and why avoidants sense hidden expectations in people-pleasing
✅ Why caretaking roles reduce bonding chemicals like oxytocin and vasopressin
✅ How chronic people-pleasing makes you emotionally unavailable, not more loving
✅ Why authenticity and boundaries are essential to move beyond the “power struggle” stage
✅ The crucial difference between being nice and being a truly good person
✅ Why individuating (knowing your truth and needs) is the antidote to codependent dynamics

Episode Breakdown:
00:00 – Intro
00:52 – Covert Contracts
01:32 – 1 — Dismissive Avoidants Are Wary of Covert Contracts
02:52 – 2 — They Don’t Want Partners Who Take on a Caretaker Role
05:02 – 3 — Chronic People-pleasing Prevents Authenticity
06:37 – Spin to Win Promo
07:42 – 4 — Being Nice and Being a Good Person Are Not the Same
09:46 – Conclusion

Meet the Host
Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and a world leader in attachment theory. With a Ph.D. and over a dozen certifications, she’s helped more than 70,000 people reprogram their subconscious and build thriving relationships.

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Being nice isn’t the problem, but losing yourself in the process is. Learn why avoidants back off and how to keep your authenticity front and center. Subscribe, rate, and share this video to spread the tools for secure love. 💗