An Emotional Song About My Grandpa (RIP)

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[Lyrics]

[Verse 1]
I still can't believe that my grandpa died ,looking at him as my family cries/
him in that hospital bed, I am so lost in my head and I'm asking why/
looking at the sky, I can not even keep track of time/
its moving so slow as its passin by, I could grab a pair of chopsticks and I can catch a fly/
I don't bat an eye I'm just standin stiff, eyes are all red like I had a spliff/
I'm asking if he ever asked for this, if not then why'd it get as bad as this?/
god help me understand the shit and I don't know how but I want you to answer it/
I don/t pray enough but I'ma pray to you now, why did he only weigh 82 pounds?/
Say where you were when his kidneys were shutting down, don't give me the runaround/
I really wonder how you let him suffer so much and now we have to bury him underground/
I need him alive I want an appeal, I'm hating how all of this feels/
i feel like poppin a pill, I think i probably will I feel like god isn't real/
everyday its getting harder to deal, I always cry with the pain/
Cause I just stay inside of my brain, but I cant stay inside of my lane/
cause I been drinking too much, maybe not drinking enough/
I'm going crazy just thinking of stuff, I feel like leaving I feel like screaming all that I need is his touch/

[Chorus]
Yes I know ya gone, but no I don't want to grieve/
because when I think of you, man its always hard to breathe/
I just want to see you now, not just in my memory/
promise Ill remember you till the very end of me/

[Verse 2]
Lately I tend to sleep, I guess its because you're in every dream/
Ill always hold on to the memories but I'm not happy its hard to pretend to be/
and I excessively, thought that the doctors were menacing/
They gave you such a short life expectancy, but you were so strong so that's something I didn't expect to see/
but grandpa I thank you for everything, you have no idea what you meant to me/
I'm missing your hand on my head, while you sat on my bed and you lectured me/
about anything, you were so proud about everything music especially/
and I was so young but I hope you remember that you started shaping my destiny/
cause you got me pianos and got me guitars, made sure I shot for the stars/
taught me to never be weak cause its not who we are, there is no blood that is stronger than ours/
all of the lessons attained, stored in my memory forever en-grained/
I want us together again, but I've accepted the pain they will remember the name/
I'm working harder for you, doing what I always wanted to do/
and when I'm finally holding a Grammy grandpa it will be offered to you/
and to you god I'm sorry for actin in spite, I was so mad that I had to just fight/
and even though he isn't here anymore, thank you for putting that man in my life/

[Chorus]
Yes I know ya gone, but no I don't want to grieve/
because when I think of you, man its always hard to breathe/
I just want to see you now, not just in my memory/
promise Ill remember you till the very end of me/