Stoicism | People Pleasing

Описание: Are you a people pleaser? Do you find yourself constantly putting other peoples needs before your own? Do you have trouble being assertive, and saying no? Are you constantly being pressured into doing things you do not want to do?
You might be a people pleaser.
Now, it goes without saying that being a people pleaser is likely based on experiences in your childhood and possibly early adulthood. You might just think of yourself as a nice, altruistic person, but in reality, you are presenting a false version of yourself to others. Being a people pleaser leads you down the road of feeling massive amounts of resentment because you place responsibility on others for you not being able to say no and set boundaries.
People pleasing only sets you up for failure. It will stunt or even stop your growth as a person, and ultimately it will make you feel inadequate, miserable, and taken advantage of.

What lies at the core of a people pleaser is a fear of conflict and judgement. What if that person who you say no to gets mad? What if the boundary you set ends a friendship? What if not catering to the needs of others makes them dislike you?
What needs to be said here, as harsh as it may sound, is no one respects a people pleaser. This is the reason people have no problem taking advantage of you, because as I am sure you all know, we do not take advantage of people we respect. Think about the person you admire the most, or someone you have a great deal of respect for. Are they a people pleaser? I doubt it. Likely they are someone who stands up for themselves, set boundaries, and does not take crap from anyone. So ask yourself…why are you allowing yourself to be a people pleaser, while the people that others tend to admire, are not people pleasers? Why is someone like that able to gain the admiration and praise of others without people pleasing, but you continue to self-sacrifice just to obtain a lesser result? That must be infuriating.

So, what have you got to lose by learning to say no, set boundaries, and not take any crap? Well, here is where you have to face the fact that you will be faced with conflict and rejection from those used to being able to take advantage of you, but is that so bad?

You must embrace conflict. If you live a life without conflict, or struggle, or obstacles, you will stagnate.

Of course, you are not expected to dive right into the deep end with this. There are ways you can practice getting a feel for what it is like to stand up for yourself. Send your drink back next time Starbucks gets it wrong. Tell a manager about bad customer service. Tell someone you disagree with something they said. Taking simple actions like this will allow you to slowly wade into these waters and become comfortable in them, and once you feel the satisfaction of embracing conflict and standing up for yourself, I imagine there will be a snowball effect from there.