"Gilbert Gottfried sits in for The News" (March 31, 1994)

Описание: Howard had Gilbert come in and talked to him about this guy Larry Amoros who created a bit called Buttmaster for the Arsenio Hall show. He got into trouble for taking people off the street so he could measure them for the bit. Howard told Gilbert about the story and had him cracking up with comments about it.

Howard found out Gilbert was going to be appearing on David Letterman's show. Howard asked if he knows what he's going to be doing on the show. Gilbert wasn't sure. Howard said he's very laid back about the whole thing. He doesn't even know what he's going to be doing. They spent a little time goofing on Gilbert about that.

Howard and Gilbert talked about what it's like going on Letterman and what the pre-interview is like. Howard and Gilbert also talked about Jay Leno and did their impressions of him talking to them.

Howard asked if they saw what happened to Roberto Santiago. Howard said this is a guy who writes negative stuff about them. Howard said he read that Roberto was moved to a crime bureau instead of the radio column. Howard said he may have been moved because of a positive letter he wrote to Playboy about an interview. Gilbert started to do an impression that Howard had to stop him on. He said he got a lot of hate mail the last time he did the ''Si, Sue, Sy'' bit.

Howard read about how one of his stations is sticking in traffic reports in the show. Howard said they have to stop with that. He said they don't need it.

Howard had Robin get to her news. Robin read some stories and had one about a woman who snipped off her husband's testicles. Howard and Gilbert said they felt a wave come over them when she read that story. Howard said he can't even explain it. Jackie said it's like an electric shock. Gilbert said you feel it in your anus too. They spent a few minutes talking about that story and making jokes about it.

Robin went through some other news and Howard ended up talking about coach Jerry Jones and how he made a speech for the company. Howard had Tom Chiusano come in to talk about that.

Gilbert started doing his Dracula impression. Howard talked about how Bela Lugosi was buried in his Dracula outfit. Gilbert kept up the impression and Howard said that's really great. Robin asked if he was going to do the whole movie. Gilbert was reciting line after line from a movie. Howard said what's amazing is that he's so talented and he can't get laid. He asked how that happens. Howard said he could listen to that Dracula impression all night. Howard said Tom is a vampire because he sucks the life out of him. Gilbert did his Dracula as if he were Tom asking Howard to take a meeting with him about the show.

Gary told Howard they got a letter from a woman who says she's into Gilbert. Howard told him to forget it because he's doing the news. Howard gave in a few seconds later and took the call. The girl described what she looked like and said she's into Gilbert. Howard asked if she has a big rack. She said she had a breast reduction actually. She said she's about a C-cup now. Howard asked if she's sleep with him. She said ''Um, no.'' Howard said if she's into that then he'd go out with her. Howard said he wants to have sex while dressed up like Dracula too. Howard said she's not for Gilbert. Howard said he's looking for sex. Howard hung up on her.

Gary came in and said he has a guy on the phone who says he has seen Gilbert hanging out by the front desk at the airline he works for. Howard said Gilbert should never say anything negative about him. Gilbert said maybe this is just someone who wants to get on the Howard Stern Show. The caller said he doesn't need to. He said he sat there shaking his head and thought about how he's just using Howard. Gilbert asked if he really thinks that he thinks Howard is rude and crass. Howard said he'd have to be inhuman to bad mouth him. Howard said he was the only one to visit him in the hospital. Howard said he won't even respond to this because it's just a rumor. Howard wrapped up after that.