What I Should Have Had | By: Ay! Eye Muse

Описание: LYRICS:
[Verse 1]
You left me standing
In a doorway full of empty frames
All these birthdays
I remember them by different names
Scrolling and I see fathers holding their daughters
Like it's nothing
Just a Sunday plan
That easy kind of safety
I still feel it slipping through my hands

[Chorus]
This is what I should have had
Arms to run to when things got bad
Not this hollow
Hungry ache
Cheering for a love that never came
I clap for every smiling face
While something in me continues to break
Envy burns beneath my skin
For things I should have started with

[Verse 2]
I learned to talk soft
So, my questions wouldn't sound like blame
Taught myself to swallow
Every hope that carried your last name
I watch them joke with mothers in the kitchen
Share old stories only they remember
I laugh along
But inside I'm counting
Every empty chair you left forever

[Chorus]
This is what I should have had
A place at the table that always stands
Not this habit of apologizing
For taking up an inch of space
I toast to every steady hand
That never had to shake alone
Envy tastes like rust and glass
For all the love I should have known

[Bridge]
I hate the part that hates their joy (yeah!)
I hate the shame that follows after
I bite my tongue
Then bite my heart
For every jealous
Jagged response,
How do I bless what breaks me open?
How do I smile through all this lack?
I want to want their happiness
Without wishing I could have it too, (oh)

[Chorus]
This is what I should have had
Not learning 'need' is something bad
I should have grown like any child
Not begging the silence to be kind
I raise a glass with shaking hands
To all the things I never had
Envy
Sit beside me now
While I learn I wasn't what was wrong

[Outro]
You left me standing
But I'm moving through this wounded land
Wanting what I should have had
And trying to give it where I can