Too sensitive

Описание: Transcript below:
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music: beach baby by bon iver

I gave a girl everything I had to give. money I didn’t have. time i couldn’t waste. when she lost her peace, I went out, found it, and dragged it back to her. I showed her another side of the world without ever leaving the city, she told me that I was so kind, and so sensitive. that we would fall in love. But after a few months, we had a falling out. I decided it was best that we didn’t talk anymore. In response to this, she told me that I was possessive, that I fall in love too easily; and i’m too sensitive.

and now I know what it means when they say that people will hate the very qualities they loved about you. and it will leave you unsure of yourself. You will wonder what changed, was it them or was it me? You will question the value of I love you’s after seeing how conditional love can be. Your first instinct will be to blame yourself, because your love for this person will not want to allow you to blame them.

But I have to ignore my first instinct. Because I’ve been wrong enough times to know when I’m right.

It’s rare that people will admit to hurting you. Instead, They will frame you as being wrong, convincing themselves that you are toxic in order to alleviate their own guilt. And if you have been kind them, having little to pull from, they will have no option but to turn your better qualities against you. Your passion will be newly regarded as overwhelming. Your concern will be possessiveness. Your kindness will be naivety and your love will be “too much”

But in regard to emotion, there is no such thing as too much. You cannot love too much, you can only love the wrong person. The more in tune you are with your emotions is the more human you will be. We weren’t given feelings to hide them away and numb ourselves. We were made to feel. It’s how we interact with everything around us. It’s how we remind ourselves we’re alive.

So I resent the idea of being too sensitive. Because in a world continually growing colder, people will try to rob you of your warmth. But we need vulnerability. We need people who embrace their own feelings and recognize the weight of them, so we can begin to see validity in the feelings of others. I resent the idea that I need to change, to harden myself in order to survive in this world. Maybe the world is what needs changing. We try to convince ourselves that our minds set precedence over the things we feel, as if we can turn off our emotions function off logic alone - we always lose. Because we are not machines, we are human beings. And what sets us apart from an assortment of codes and numbers, is our ability to find balance between logic and intuition.

So I will not change. I will be too sensitive. And because you can’t find it within yourself to appreciate me, doesn’t mean I’ve lost my worth.