Precision Skateboarding "Walkthrough"

Описание: That is to say, can one ever truly fully complete a game as phenomenal as this?

Welcome to Precision Skateboarding, a very obscure and forgotten skateboarding game. That is truly a shame, because there is absolutely nothing that compares to how beautiful this is. Anybody who was gushing over Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1+2 has clearly never experienced this.

To be fair, this game doesn't have a whole lot of stages. That's okay though, because what it does have is a thorough master class in game design. Every stage is crafted to complete perfection, to allow you to enjoy the game to the fullest. The sound effects truly immerse you into the game, and all of the menus use top-of-the-class WordArt text effects. The game is beautifully simple to play, as it only uses two buttons.

Why is nobody else talking about this? This is such a perfect skateboarding game that nobody has even come close to replicating.

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Happy April Fools' Day, everyone!

The serious description: Over this past Thanksgiving, I was staying with my parents and did a little game hunting in their area. I found a giant stack of games on clearance at Half Price Books, and this game caught my eye...and it caught it for all of the wrong reasons. The front cover was almost a dead giveaway that the game was going to be bad, falling quite deep in the uncanny valley and doing a horrible job of trying to sell the game. It looked like the lowest budget, made-in-two-minutes game to cash in on the Tony Hawk craze of the 90s. At only a dollar, I had to see just what was in the package.

I don't think I was ready to witness what I ended up witnessing. This is truly beyond description. When I booted up the first level, I immediately bursted out laughing breathlessly as I saw just how horrendous the game looked. And then I actually played the game and it all got worse. For nearly three minutes straight I was thoroughly cracking up and cackling furiously. I'm pretty sure I annoyed my neighbors from laughing so loudly and nonstop.

The game's problems don't end at the visuals either. The controls are nonintuitive and bizarre -- you push one button to accelerate which makes your character squat, which any Tony Hawk player might think is preparing for an ollie, but nope, you use the other button to jump. The recovery time after you bail is absolutely insane, taking a good five to ten seconds and effectively meaning you aren't allowed to fall even once if you want to win the race. You can only rotate in one direction in mid-air, meaning if you oversteer, you have locked yourself into a fall. Oh, and you have to rotate 180 degrees off a half pipe, or you'll fall too...riding backwards isn't an option. And that's not even pointing out how you often can't see what's coming up thanks to the bad camera angles.

Just for the record, yes, this is how the game performs even in the best conditions. The computer I ran this on was well above the system requirements and yet it still would look like it was only running modestly well to the naked eye. As far as my actual gameplay, I did every track once. I should mention Half Pipe Race and Half Pipe Tournament are nearly identical, the only difference being the latter is score-based while the former is another race mode. Since there's two tracks where these modes are options, I just did them once each. Oh, and on the occasions it looks like I pass right through something I had to duck under -- that's a quirk in the engine, as long as you're holding the forward key/button, the game will register that you're ducking regardless if the animation correctly loads or not.

So yeah, needless to say, this is not a good game. I really can't hate it though, it made me laugh so hard that I honestly just love it for how low-budget it is. Seriously, just look at it. Every single thing about it is just hysterical.

Oh yeah, and I can't go without mentioning that there are Bible verses plastered around the game on billboards. A bit out of nowhere, but I’m not complaining. Though, hopefully you can't blame me for why I'm left scratching my head.

Well, all that said, I hope you enjoy the same laughs I enjoyed.